3 Seconds Of Love

Love is something that is so wonderful

It fills us all up and allows us to never feel like we will ever fall

But what happens to those of us who only fall

Those of us who to love means nothing but pain

How are we to live while everyone around us get's to soar

It's like liveing in a world of eagals

While your the only one who's wings have been cliped

There is nothing magical about it

They say the best thing about falling is the 3 seconds of flight

The problem is falling will never be like falying

When you fall you always hit the ground

But when you fly you never half to crash

All I do is fall I can never fly

I always half to crash

I dream of flying I dream of love

But that's all it is a dream

None of this will ever be none of this is for me

The pain that last ever more will alway be within me

Those 3 seconds is all the love I'll ever see.....

One more shot....

I want to rip it all out

Everything gone

I don't want to live as me anymore

A blank a redo another start

Maybe this time I can be better

Happier Sweeter Nieave

I live with this life the choices I have made

But I also live with the choices others made for me

To loose it all would that be so bad

Loosing what I had but to be able to gain everything I will never have

One more shot to Love

One more shot to Live

One more shot to Die

What would happen

It could all just happen the same way again

But the hope that I will get my Happy Ending is enough to try

Throw it all away to allow me a chance to truly have something real

To not hate who I am what I am what I have become

But this is the life I have no going back

No way to fix it....Just empty wishes and broken dreams

Self Distruction

Self Distruction is all i know

It's what I do

Anything that's good or right

I must Destroy

Happiness, Love, Joy, Hope

These things are nothing but abominations to my soul

Pain, Despair, Lonelyness, Loveleness

These are the things I procect

They are what I know what I understand

This is what my life is made of so I cling to it

Creat it

and Destroy all else

Till I'm broken and brused just the way I should be

The way I feel I was ment to be

I say that I want to be hole but that can't be true

Deep down I know this is something I can never be

Falling Appart

I feel it why

It's happening my stomach is in knots

I'm loosing something I never had

My heart it pumping stronger then ever

It happens every time it breaks

Maybe it feels like it should pump all it can before it breaks

It may never beat again it want's to beat all it can

My breath is catching in my throat

I'm throwing away what I never had

It's not even my choice

What can I do how can I stop this

I thought I had finished breaking

I thought I was done with love

I don't want this again

I'm tired of love being just out of reach

But feeling it all so real with out feeling the touch

Why do i half to break while everyone else get's what I want

For once I just want it to work out........

Monster

Look at that Monster

Tears do not fool me

Go away

No one should half to look at you

No one want's to endure the torture that you call your love

You will never be loved

Horrible Monster

Vial Lissome Creature

Evil and Discusting

You deserve nothing

Someone should kill you

So no one would ever half to look at you

Will no one slay the Beast

She is right there looking at me

In that mirror

The Game

I step up to the table

Been here before

Lost it all once

All for nothing, or is it;

All or nothing

Quit for a while

Laid down only what meant nothing

Tried to play it safe

Won some, lost little

Got back most of what I lost

Never really got it all back

Never give up

Everyone knows that lucky draw or roll will come

Then it happened

Again....Again....

No...no...stop...stop now...

My head is saying you have been here before

Just take your chips and go

There just toying with you; they want it all again

Leaving nothing

The heart is raceing

Go on.....go on risk it all

Bets are in, no way to stop it now

Ball goes round, Dice are thrown, Card is Drawn

Whatever happens now will decide my fate

Does this one love me

Or will I loose it all again

Doors

I don't know how to get out

I see all these doors opening

But for other people

As for me all I can see

Are doors being slammed shut

Right befor me

I feel as if every time I turn around

A friend has walked though

There door leaving me in an empty hall way

How do I get out

Sorry

Go Away

Just Stay Away Please

I Beg You Please

I'm so sorry that I lead you here

Didn't mean to you deserve better

No good I am

Nothing Good Can Come From Me

You don't know how sorry I am

Nor do you know what you mean

you don't deserve this

I'm sorry you don't know how much I'm sorry

Did it half to be you

why did you half to be the one

what made me love you

made me want you

it made me go through all this pain

I have suffered for far too long

thinking of you

never once have you though of me

broken I am I will always be

because of you, you destroyed me

from the very day i was 16

now I will never be hole

never know true love

I know heart break and sorrow

pain despair hurt and anguish

but love never shall I know that again

If I could love that way again

I will never let them go

I would love them more than this life time could hold

But I can't your gone now

never to return to me again

leaving me here to rot and burn

are you happy

was this what you wanted

is my suffering your happiness

is this what I deserve

did I bring this upon my self

was this my fate for loving you

a prison to be my home from that moment on

Save Me

Pain the pain I had long ago is back.....the pain i never wanted to feel is real and worse then ever....but this pain makes me feel as if I am alive no matter how much it hurts.....my stomach want's to fall out, my heart is ripped more than usual. I don't know if I made this hurt again to see if i was alive or if i made it hurt to make me move. But all I want is to lay down and die again as I did before I want it all to go away. I was numb before can't I be numb again I don't want to feel don't want to be alive....but I do.....is it that pain is better than nothing for to feel nothing is that right I don't know what I want I don't know what I need but something....please something....someone save me....

Scattered

Emotions run deep
They always do
No matter what the pain seeps through

tears roll down
stomach in knots
trying to breath

nothing works
this hole won't mend
pain is all I have in the end

it will consume me
eat me whole
it is where I live

the numbness comes
it's nice for a while
but the pain always wins

no where to go
try to fight
but I can't

I needed you to fight
you gave up
you don't even know
torn in a thousand pieces
scattered all over
leaving them behind you where ever you go

no one want's to pick them up
no one want's to try
nothing to do but smile as I die inside

Again

It feels like it’s starting again
That happiness those feelings
That tingle inside the face that I can’t stop thinking of
It’s different this time it’s taken a new face
That smile you give I love to see
The smell you have think on it now the twinge deep down
It makes my heart beat faster my berth catches in my throat
Then I remember the pain
The way it will come again
I fear all too soon
It will consume me again it will take me
The darkness will overwhelm
How many times can a heart shatter
I don’t want to shatter
The pain I can feel it even with the happiness
That pain, despair, loneliness
Everything I had before time does not make it better
I wish for love I wish to be happy but nothing ever last