Hot tears roll across my face

Soaking my pillow again

Will this nightmare ever end

Doomed to repeat this scean

Constantly Cry

Always Hurt

Wondering why your life is dirt

Pain has always been your plight

Leaving the Sun only in sight

You will never touch it

Never know

My heart is pulling me down

A loveing embeace

as these tears streak down my face

it's always their letting me know

true love will never grow

whishing I could cut the pain away

Doomed Foerver

No Way Out

Letting It All Go

Letting it all Go

My Life ends Tonight

It takes only one word to twist the Knife

I pushed Myself Uppon It

Now I place it in your hands

Pull it out and let me live

With all the pain that you give

Push it through and let me die

As you whip sweet tears from my eyes

If I must die let it be by your hand

Set It Free

If you love something

Set it free

It wonders away and finds something Beautiful

Something you can never be

You set Back and watch it Fly

All the While you die inside

Your heart crushed but he will never know

you go on knowing his love will grow

But Not for you

You don't Deserve

Something so wonderful

SO you let it go

Flay away to be happy and free

Watch as it kills

Slowly from your happy Hell

You die smiling your broken Smile

Feeling your heart fall away

Busting and Burning Creating you rHell inside

But it's nothing this sad lonely Smile can't Hide

Cutting My Wrist Again
Will These Emotions Ever End
Cutting My Wrist Again
To Drain The Pain Deep With In
Cutting My Wrist Again
Getting Closer To The Skin
Cutting My Wrist Again
Oops......Hit The Vein

What A Shame

No One Will Remember My Name

My Life Flows Forth

In A Deep Crimpson Stream
It All Seemed Like A Never Ending Dream

Really It Was A Nightmare To Me

Not Here

what am I that deserves this life
what terrable thing have I done that I deserve to not exzist
people know I am here but they don't care
taken for granted at every turn
I don't know what happiness is
I don't know what it's like to be truely loved
these things are only in the fairy tales that I read never for me
I will never have anything never be anything
even now as I speak these words you don't even know I have said anything at all
what is the poin no one cares if i am here
I don't even care about me

End

what am I nothing to no one
can't get any more worthless than that
no one would ever question as to why I did it
no one will even care
if ever the crimpson shal flow
no one would even know
that beautiful crimpson flowing freely
allowing her to go from this wretched world
a world that pushed her to the edge
a world that only told her she would be better off dead
she wanted to stop
she hurt all around

pain was the only thing she ever found
wishing it could stop knowing how it would all end
could she do it
would her plight in this world push her to her end....

I feel it their inside
All the pain I try to hide
Seeping throught all the crecks
My broken heart shattered like glass
All the tiney shards flowing through my veins
Tearing me appart allong the way
I hoped they would all come out
Leaveing me hollow inside
I fear this heart will never leave
Always their bleading my life out of me

Cursed from the beginning
When I was born it destroyed my parent’s lives
Everything I touch
Everyone I come in contact with
I hurt everyone
What am I doing
I need to stay away
All I do is cause pain for you
Please stop caring
Stop trying to worry about me
My life was cursed from the start
Yours doesn’t half to be
As long as you stay away from me
My love is poison
Destroying anyone unfortunate enough to find it
Get out get out while you can
Don’t let my venom get deep within
My kind of damage can’t be repaired
I should be the only one affected by this curse

Teddy Bare

Tossed and Turned

Flipped up side down

Might as well put my Teddy in the last and foound

I've lost it all

Everyting I've never had

My Teddy is all I have left

He goes with me everywhere

I know no matter what he will always be their

So warn from all the night's of cuddeling

His fur is a little messed up from all the tears

But through everything he has endured over the years

One look at him and i feel glad

The only thing that reminds me of the love i once had

Should I give him up now should I turn it all in

Maybe someone good will find my Teddy

Not show him all their pain then he can be happy again

For my Teddy is always sad he sees my apin and feels it too

He trys to help me holds me tight

But for want of my Teddys love is not why I cry

He wears a bow and why not he was a present

But only one would never know how much that Teddy suted me so

Him and I are just alike no parrents no love only the tears at night

We have eachother and i guess that will do

Because the love of someone else will never come through

I feel like I'm in a stand still.

I don't know what I'm doing or where to go,

I don't want to be her I don't even want to exzist.

I wish I could just stop.

Stop the pain, Stop the Suffering,

Stop being the one that couses it all.

I'm sorry for being here,

I'm sorry if you know me.

I know that I am nothing but trouble for you

for anyone that I am neer.

I'm a pleague cursed to hurt anyone I'm around.

No one should ever love me,

Everyone should forget the day they met me.

That way i don't half to exzist,

I can fade away as if some half remembered dream or nightmare.

Just let me go,

I will never bring anything but pain.

Never Stop

You came into my life
You reminded me how to trust
Showed me how to love
I loved but not truly
Trusted but only a little
Put up walls to keep you out
You scaled the walls
Survived all the traps
Saw threw all the defenses
Tried to run tried to scare you away
But the things I did never stopped you
Even my family tried to destroy you
But your love could not be wavered
For no matter what all you did
Was……
Never stop loving me

You and I are like the sun and the moon
Always chasing each other but never catching
Every now and then the sun catches a glimpse of the moon
All can see the light that it brings
But just like us the light always fades
All goes dark no light no happiness
My son goes away and I sit alone in the dark
Just waiting to catch a glimpse of the light
If I can’t be with my sun
Just a glimpse the hope that maybe one day
One day I may catch the sun
It’s only a dream
Fore the moon will never catch the sun
The moon will never feel its warmth
Their paths will cross every now and then
They cross paths but can’t be seen
For they are not meant to be
The light that resonates from them is not to be
It takes away all their pain
But hurts everyone around them
They can never be together they just weren’t meant to be

Who Am I

Who am I
That is the question to witch I don’t know the answer
I look at my self and see nothing of worth
I want to know how to change
To make someone care for me
I wish that I was not me
For to be me is nothing but misery
I pretend that I am happy
And everyone buys in to my lies
Then on the way home
Or at night when I am in bed
All I do is cry
Depression, seaside, and worthlessness
Is all I feel
I mean nothing to no one
And the reason that I am here is unclear
Why is someone as worthless as me allowed to live

Torture

Why must you fallow me
How do you find me
I let you back in
Again and again

You hurt me so bad
All I do is cry
Always alone in my room
No way to dry my eyes

What should I do
I think I love you
But do I
Can I
Will I

Why do I
Let you back in
Again and again
I never let you know
I never let it show
How much my heart hurts

I long to show you
The way that I feel
If what I feel is real
Or should I just let you go

Searching through my mind
I hope that I find
The answers to all the questions
So my heart can be free
Of all this torture that has befallen me

To Quit, To Die

To quit, to dye
To stand in one place long enough
To let the world to pass her by
Longing to stop
Wonting to cease
Letting any memory of her fade away
To be nothing but dust in the wind
Allowing herself to end
Whispers is all she hares
Falling on def ears
Soon no one will know
Of a lonely girl
From long ago
She won’t matter to them
Just like she doesn’t matter now
She’ll fade away some way some how

The Road

The road knows my life
The road listened to my cries
It is always their
It can take me any were
The road knows stories
But it will never tell
Sometimes it can calm me
It has often hurt me
The road can bring me home
Sometimes a place I don’t won’t to go
It takes people away
Often people never stay
The road takes them away
One day this road will take me away
To a far off place were my heart can play
For here in this place it’s like jail
I am tied to this place I have no way out
Not now I can’t
Ties can be loved ties are here for a reason
Sometimes we don’t know why
But when they are gone that’s when
That’s when I need to go on
So when will the road take me away
To this brand new place

Tears

Only allowed at night when I am sure no one will find them streaming down my face.
During the day they may come but I push them back, hold them back.
They can’t come out when they would like, someone might see and that just wouldn’t be right.
Only my eyes can see only my face can feel the cold trace as they flow down my cheeks.
The only problem is I can’t stop my own tears.
I can’t see them; all I can do is feel the cold trace as they run down my face.
I will let people know but I will never let it show.
One thing I need, one thing I won’t, I will never let my self have.
Someone who can help me hold back the tears, someone who can make them disappear.
But to find someone who can do that they half to see them and be their when they came;
However, I can’t take that chance if I knew that my crying may carouse pain to you.
That is something I can never do.

Question

Like an unanswered question
My life lays waiting
Waiting for the one I love
The one that I long for
The one that I dream of
The one who’s thoughts I long for
The one that is out their
Beneath the same starry sky
The one I wish for when a shooting star goes by
When will I meat him
How will I know
Please send him to me
My love so that I may go
To a foreign land
A place were we can begin our lives again

Picthure

It all comes together
I am happy but only for a short time
It always seems to fall apart
I can never have the whole picture
Once a peace finally fits
It’s only their for a short time
I am happy the picture finally looks complete
Then that part of the picture gets ripped out
What is wrong with me why will no one love me
What have I done to you
What can I do to change the outcome
Am I just so horrible that everything I do hurts you

Pain

No amount of pain I go through is worth one ounce of pain from you
No matter how bad I hurt it’s all worth happiness from you
I can never tell you that I feel as if I am in he’ll
For if you knew I’d put you through pain too
The pain I feel should mean nothing to you
Don’t look back please don’t care I am not worth one of your tears

Nothing

Means nothing to you
It means everything to me
I said it to you
You said it back
That meant something
Only to me
Thought you cared
Thought I meant something
I was wrong
I might as well not exist
Didn’t matter to you
But me
You meant the world to me

No Love

No love for me
That’s exactly what I said
And that’s exactly what I mean
For in my life if you love me
You will be taken away
No one who ever loves me
Will ever stay
And if you love me that doesn’t mean a thing
All my love gets taken away
Why will no one stay?

No Good

Why am I so naive I give everyone a chance to be a good person. I allow them to make mistakes because I think that they can change. The only thing that changes is the way they let me down. I try and believe that there is good in everyone but I am beginning to think that I am wrong. I have seen all the guys that treat me like scum. But I have seen them with their brothers, sisters, nieces, and refuses, and that is were I see what I think is real. However, what is wrong with me that I get treated like shit and go back to them. Maybe I wont to find the good, maybe I just believe that if I change enough or try something else than it will be different. I have always wonted acceptance from my mom and dad and maybe that’s what I won’t from the others in my life as well. Maybe I need to stop looking for the good in people maybe no one has any? I just give up there are things that I wont but none of the things I won’t will accept me. And the way that I am I can’t won’t the one that wont’s me.

“I wish you were different. I like you for who you are, but who you are won’t allow you to like me. You don’t care that I exist I guess it’s my fault for caring for someone who will never care for me.”

On your chest

Lying their on your chest
Looking up at you
How much I love you
The things I don’t like
Little things that bother me
These feelings inside makes it all seem like nothing
In your arms like this
I pray it never ends
I feel it most
Half to get up
Wake up
This time it’s not your face but his I see
One who loves me like I love you
It was all a dream
A dream is all it will be
As long as I know you are with your one
The one that you love as much as I love you
My pain is worth it
Everything I go through
Is worth happiness for you

Love

Love is everything and nothing to you’
But you won’t more.
Love is something we yearn for we fight for all with our heart,
But inside it tears us apart.
Something we feel that’s so real,
But always causes us pain.
Something we can always loose,
Yet almost never gain.
A feeling inside of us that drives us on,
Something that seems to always be gone.
A feeling we long for every second every hour,
A feeling we can never overpower.
Love is all of these things torture and dreams.
The one thing we can’t live without,
The one thing we should never dough.
For with out it we are just shadow on the wall,
Always waiting always watching,
But never willing to risk the fall.
Love is something we strive for all our life,
But in the end it’s our one true sacrifice.

Lost

There is this guy who has haunted me for years
Why I don’t know
Why can’t I just let him go
Perhaps I don’t know how
But to loose him this I do
To won’t him
To long for him
All those things I know too well
It hurts so bad
I feel as if I am in hell
But when he’s here
When he’s near
My heart beats a thousand times harder
A thousand times stronger
Sadly I will never feel that again

Life

Life why do we go through it all
For ambitions dreams fantasies
We have all of these things dreams and fantasies
But as we grow did we loose them
Or did they fade away with the scars of time
Everyone says that we get 15 minutes of fame
One time in your life that you don’t feel sorrow or pain
Were everything can be lost with very little gain
Do our children grow up just waiting for pain

Poison

It’s not love
I don’t know what it is
Why
What is this
I don’t know
What to do just act like nothing is wrong
All the while inside I’m in knots
Torn and tossed
I don’t know what to do
How do you keep breaking through
Just when I think I am rid of you
You mess me up again
What have you done to me
What is the curse you put upon me
You weaved your web and threw me in
Toke a hold and bit deep beneath my skin
The venom burned in to my soul
I thought I was cured
Got all the venom out
But you look at me or touch me
It’s their that burn
You’re deep in my skin
Imbedded within
Will I ever get your poison out

another time anpther place

In another time and another place
When I chance to look upon your face
Maybe then we could have been
If I were older or you were young
Maybe our two hearts could be one
For now our paths only intersect
They couldn’t intertwine
However, in another time and another place
Maybe this thing could have been
For sometimes when you look upon me
Theirs a glimmer in your eye
I believe that’s were your care for me may lie
Hidden far with
For were we are in our live we can not be
But I think you still care for me

ripped my heart out

I rip my own heart out
Then watch it die
Not trying to save it or resituate it
Just letting it die
I am the only one that cared it was their
And now it’s not
There is a void in my soul
But it’s just a hole
Don’t worry I won’t bring you back
I won’t make you fix it
For without you I am dead
But you don’t care
Someone does but it doesn’t help
For he can’t fill my soul
I am sorry
For you not filling that hole
That’s why I ripped my heart out
And let it die

What I See

I look at you, do you know what I see
Someone who is kind and sweet to me
No matter what I do, you are someone who will always love me

I was broken and torn
Depressed and worthless
However in the lowest point in my life
You pulled me through the darkest night

You captured my tears
Toke them on your self
When I’m sad you’re sad too
The only person that has ever wonted to keep me from pain

Sometimes I’m still sad but now it’s not because of me
I worry about you don’t won’t to hurt you
You take my problems too
I am sorry for all the pain I put you through

Cry

I cry and you don’t know why
It’s him
You hold me but the tears don’t stop
It’s him
I feel sad and theirs no reason
It’s him
It will never stop
Will never go away
My heart is gone
Taken from me
He has it
Doesn’t even know
Won’t tell him
Can’t let it show
You see it but you don’t know

Someone Like Me

I can feel the warmth of your body as you hold me close
You look in to my eyes but you are not looking at them
You are looking beyond straight in to my soul
You understand me how I just don’t know
Maybe I am you maybe you are me
I know that their has always been a void in my soul
Waiting for someone to eternally love me
A hole that someone will fix and stay
For up till now they have all gone away
I don’t understand why you have chosen me
When I am with you I am complete
When you tell me you love me I melt inside
You lay their looking at me and all I can think
Is that I am unworthy
I love you so much I just can’t see
How someone as wonderful as you
Can love someone like me

Hope all is well my love

Hope that he is well my love
I am not near him but I hope for the best for him
I am not with him so I was not the best
As long as he has what he needs
As long as he can love
As long as his love is returned to him ten fold
Then I will be able to live
I will always be happy as long as you are
If that is me not me with you then I guess I will be ok
I do not need the happiness that you deserve
My life has never been filled with love nor happiness
But you’re life should be filled with nothing but you should never fell pain
I will take all of that for you my love
And you shall never know you will live to the fullest
With all you won’t but I will live as long as you are happy

Goodbye

Goodbye
That’s something I never waned to say to you
Goodbye
That’s something I thought we would never do
Goodbye
You to me
Goodbye
Me to you
Goodbye
To all my dreams
Goodbye
You said it 1st
Goodbye
I tried to stop it
Goodbye
I was willing to leave my new world
Goodbye
Was all you said
Goodbye
Was all it would take
Goodbye
It’s sound was my demise

Let Go

Go just go, I need to just let you go
Let you be, even when you call I got to let you go
Tell you the truth, stop letting you through
Only I can make you stop; only I can save my self
You built this prison and put me in
I have the key the way out, but
I don’t use it because I am scared
Once or twice I have been happy in my cadge
But the bad always out weights the good
I need out, I’m dying in here, I see now
I see my way out, I half to hurt, I half to be strong
What you did to me was wrong, but me letting you
Was worse
I felt the hurt but loved you so much
I convinced my self that you were good for me
When all you really did was hurt me

Family

Something that she has never really had
People sometimes treated her bad
Mom was too young
Dad didn’t care
But what about the girl with the long red hair
Mom played dress up
Dad left her alone
No one wonted to take her home
But a little old lady with a heart of gold
She raised her as if she was her own
But as for the little girl this was not her home
Her home was something that will always be gone
When she was young she thought it was ok
No one wonted her around any way
Pushed and pulled between parents every week
But being loved was all she seeked
A life like this will take its toll
And rip away at her soul
But she will never get away
She doesn’t understand but her love for them will always stay
One day after she had been torn apart
And she felt as if their was nothing left of her heart
After a boy tore it up and threw it away
When all her friends wouldn’t stay
She got down and wondered what she did
She always cried always hid
Her feelings never showed
Hidden in the shadows where people don’t go
But one day a boy came in
He loved the way she was
And all she had within
He saw sorrow and pain
Something he never wonted to see her go through again
The boy was sweet
The boy was nice
This boy wonted her in his life
He wonted to be the one that would be their
He wonted to be the one that would care
But would she let him in
Is she willing to take the chance
To put her self in this position
All could be lost in the blink of an eye
Everyone against her in all she did
Except for two, if she lets them in
And is willing to take the risk again

Emotions

Emotions flow forth like a quick running stream
I don’t understand around you I can’t control them
They come I can’t hold back
My emotions are not afraid of you
But does that mean I am not afraid of you
Not afraid of you but afraid of what I might do
I might do something, something to loose you
That’s something I can’t go through
For to loose you will hurt me cut me deep
No one has gotten so close so fast
Tried to keep you out pulled out all my defenses
But they didn’t mean anything to you
I don’t know how but you saw right through
I guess that’s why I can’t loose you
You found me through all the pain
When I couldn’t find my self you found my heart again

Death

Do you know what it feels like to won’t to die
Do you know what it feels like to contemplate suicide
Nothing to live for
No one will care
After it happens the next week
No one will ever realize you were their
To mean nothing to no one
Why do I even go on
I just won’t to cease
Just stop gong on
The friends I have can’t see
All the problems hidden within me
I don’t won’t to cause them pain
So maybe I should go away
To a place were I can be free
A place were no one will half to look at me
So I can be alone like I am now
Without a home all alone

Broken

I’m broken can you fix me
I try to put my self back together
But I just cause more problems
I try to fix the way I look
Try to fix the way I act
I can’t do it something that is broken can’t fix it’s self
All I have are peaces that don’t fix together

I don’t know if this puzzle will ever be fixed
I’m broken what’s wrong with me
I need your help but you don’t care about me
I don’t know what to do
Maybe one day I’ll be ok
But not today
Today I’m still broken

Nonsense

i was thinking why? what is the point of going throught this world it's so full of pain and suffering what is it really i know what it's all about i know what the big pick is it's just I keep loosing it. i loose my self all the time i don't know if i have ever been me I don't even know who me is. I don't know who i am than how is anyone else going to get to know me let alone love me. i'm just so lost. So scared that no matter what I do who i am it will never be good enought for love. I don't seee how if anyone knew me they could possibaly love me i don't even know how the friends I do have have anything to do with me. That's why i hold on to things for too long thing that i should let go b/c everything I have ever cared about always goes away and I scared that this will go away and i will be left with nothing. Yes i can go out and look but i just don't understand what good I am to anyone. I just see myself wandering in and out no one careing wearther i was there or not. That person that you try to avoid b/c they are sad and pathetic you don't wnat to go neer them for fear of being sucked in to a conversation with them but you pitty them i n a weird way. That sad pathetic soul doomed to an eternity of lonleyness and sad memories that will never bring her piece. So these words are in here and I want them out but to never here them spilled forth from these lips of mine. I really just started this for me no one else it's just soemthing as a outlet don't expect this to make any sense what so ever.