One more shot....

I want to rip it all out

Everything gone

I don't want to live as me anymore

A blank a redo another start

Maybe this time I can be better

Happier Sweeter Nieave

I live with this life the choices I have made

But I also live with the choices others made for me

To loose it all would that be so bad

Loosing what I had but to be able to gain everything I will never have

One more shot to Love

One more shot to Live

One more shot to Die

What would happen

It could all just happen the same way again

But the hope that I will get my Happy Ending is enough to try

Throw it all away to allow me a chance to truly have something real

To not hate who I am what I am what I have become

But this is the life I have no going back

No way to fix it....Just empty wishes and broken dreams

Self Distruction

Self Distruction is all i know

It's what I do

Anything that's good or right

I must Destroy

Happiness, Love, Joy, Hope

These things are nothing but abominations to my soul

Pain, Despair, Lonelyness, Loveleness

These are the things I procect

They are what I know what I understand

This is what my life is made of so I cling to it

Creat it

and Destroy all else

Till I'm broken and brused just the way I should be

The way I feel I was ment to be

I say that I want to be hole but that can't be true

Deep down I know this is something I can never be

Falling Appart

I feel it why

It's happening my stomach is in knots

I'm loosing something I never had

My heart it pumping stronger then ever

It happens every time it breaks

Maybe it feels like it should pump all it can before it breaks

It may never beat again it want's to beat all it can

My breath is catching in my throat

I'm throwing away what I never had

It's not even my choice

What can I do how can I stop this

I thought I had finished breaking

I thought I was done with love

I don't want this again

I'm tired of love being just out of reach

But feeling it all so real with out feeling the touch

Why do i half to break while everyone else get's what I want

For once I just want it to work out........